Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse Recovery Formula
Mathematical formulas about behavior can never be precise, but they can be a useful guide as you work through the confusion inherent in conflicting emotions. This is especially true in relationships that have suffered chronic resentment or anger and betrayal of any kind, including emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and infidelity. Recovery from these kinds of hardships often follows a roller coaster ride of enhanced hope collapsing into jagged despair.
The Recovery Formula can lessen the roller coaster ride by providing a longer-term view of the process and by highlighting areas for repair work.
Two pairs of factors, drastically opposed to each other, determine the success or failure of the recovery process. The first is value (how much you value your relationship with your partner) and compassion – your ability to see your partner as a human being who has made mistakes but is motivated to repair them and not repeat them. With low compassion, you are more likely to see your partner as selfish, untrustworthy, or evil, which makes recovery impossible.
The opposing pair of factors are resentment – which carries an impulse to retaliate – and ego, which includes a sense of superiority. Pursuit of either will cause you to violate your deepest values and make recovery impossible.
The Recovery Formula is: Value times Compassion, divided by Resentment times Ego.
Value ( ) x Compassion ( )
Resentment ( ) x Ego ( )
To discover your Recovery score, take the:
o Marriage Help: Value Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above
o Compassion Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above
o Resentment Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above
o Marriage Problems: Ego Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above.
Multiply the top (Value and Compassion) scores.
Multiply the bottom (Resentment and Ego) scores.
Divide the two.
The higher the remainder of the division, the better your chance of sustaining recovery.
The secret to improving your Recovery score is to work on building your core value and capacity for compassion, which will decrease the need for resentment and a large ego to protect you.